My experience is that most women do not have a positive body image in midlife. In fact, many woman spend too much valuable time, energy and resources obsessing over their body. Berating it for everything it is not. Punishing it in repeated attempts at quick and radical change. And hiding it away until that magic day when they deem it worthy. Ironically, these same women often then comfort eat away their body shame.
Ring any bells?
If so then please take 5 minutes now to reflect on whether this is how you want to spend your life – and who you are really doing it for. Take a breath, grab a nice cup of something calming, and hear me out on why you need to cut your midlife body some slack and show it some appreciation. Trust me – this shift in mindset is far more likely to positively change your life than another brutal diet or exercise regime ever will.
What is ‘Body Image’ Anyway?
Body image refers to the perception and attitude you have towards your physical body: It includes how you see, feel, think and act based on the way your body looks.
When you have a positive body image in midlife (or any other time!), you accept, appreciate, and respect your body. Even if you have your insecurities – you appreciate them for what they are, and accept your body as it is. You might have fleeting daydreams about having JLos bum but ultimately you know your body is right for you. And you understand that what it DOES is far more important than how you perceive it to look. Sure – you put in the work to keep it healthy – but you do it from a place of appreciation, not from hours spent every day punishing it for everything it is not.
Maybe it’s just me….but I’m not seeing much of this mindset in my clients or friendship group. Even in myself sometimes!
How we Cultivate our Body Image
Our perceptions of our body can stem from various sources, and can very often be traced back to childhood. Childhood experiences, like unsolicited “helpful” comments about how we can shift some “puppy” fat or ‘jokes’ about our appearance can instil a sense of shame. They make us feel like there is something inherently wrong with us.
You have also probably lived your entire life in a society that promotes unrealistic expectations of physical appearance. When Kate Moss is the ultimate body goal whilst you’re growing up, then those of us with sizeable boobs and bums had no hope! These ‘thin at all costs’ body standards are supported by a multi-billion-dollar industry promising to help us achieve that perfect size…..as long as we’re prepared to keep spending, and trying more and more extreme measures to get there.
How much do you currently spend each year on weight loss aids, lotions, potions.. and maybe even Botox, and fillers? Has that investment helped you love yourself more?
Why Body Image Declines in Midlife
We’ve established in my blog that midlife can kick you in the ass. It brings about numerous physical, emotional, and social changes that can cause us to feel disconnected from our bodies and shift how we perceive ourselves. The main ones include:
- Hormonal Changes: The hormonal changes associated with the menopause transition can cause weight gain, changes in body shape, and other physical transformations.
- Aging and Societal Standards: As if a societal fixation on being thin wasn’t bad enough – don’t forget that we also need to to stay looking as young as possible too. So as we age, many feel pressured to meet these unrealistic standards, leading to feelings of inadequacy and lowered self-esteem.
- The midlife collision: Midlife often coincides with major life changes, such as children leaving home, career transitions, caring for aging parents and changing relationships. These stressors can contribute to a diminished focus on self-care and body appreciation.
- Health Concerns: It is also a time when those pesky little health issues often begin to emerge. Concerns about health can diminish confidence in our body’s abilities, further reducing our body image
It is important to acknowledge that body positivity in midlife is not about ignoring natural feelings and emotions that emerge when the signs of physical ageing creep up on us. It is perfectly normal to have times when you grieve the loss of your 20s body and face, and feel frustration over new aches and pains in your midlife body. These feelings should be acknowledged without judgement and processed. BUT, we then need to find ways to move forward, appreciating the remarkable resilience of our midlife body, feeling grateful for what it has allowed us to experience in life, and looking in the mirror with admiration, not disdain.
Here’s how you start…
8 Ways to Build Positive Body Image in Midlife
- Notice and reframe negative self-talk. Basically – stop being so flipping mean to yourself. Listen to your internal dialogue when you look in the mirror or get dressed in the morning etc. Tune in to the comparisons you make when you see someone you believe to be more attractive or thinner than you. What do you say to yourself? Start replacing the harsh, self-critical thoughts with positive comments and gentle encouragement. Create a list highlighting your positive traits that have nothing to do with your looks. Think about the qualities you value in yourself. What special skills and talents do you possess and offer to others? What do people recognise and admire about you? In time, you will begin to see yourself in a more accepting and appreciative light.
- Recognise your unconscious biases and judgments about body size and shape. What do you REALLY think about bigger people? Be honest with yourself. Without judgement, check yourself each time you internally or openly comment on another person’s weight, body, looks etc and remind yourself that you’ve been conditioned to do this but it is not healthy! When you internalise societal ideals that favour certain body types, you naturally begin to harshly judge the appearance of everyone, including yourself. Of course, this leads to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and a distorted view of your body. Rather than viewing others with criticism or envy, try to appreciate them as people. Consider what you value about the people in your life. What traits do you cherish most in your friends? What makes them significant to you? Reflecting on these questions can help you see that what you love about people comes from within.
- Stop body checking yourself. This can involve weighing yourself, pinching or pressing body parts, measuring your body, trying on specific clothes to see how they fit, scrutinising yourself in mirrors, comparing your appearance to others, asking if you look fat, or taking selfies to check your looks. The narrative we create around body checking, and our attempts to alter our bodies through diet and exercise, can lead to poor body image.
- Buy clothes that fit you now. Don’t wait until you lose weight or buy items with the hope of fitting into them later. It deeply saddens me when I see this. Our bodies evolve over time. Clinging to jeans or an expensive suit that no longer fits can negatively impact your body image throughout the day. You’ll never feel good if you’re squeezed into a shirt that’s too tight or trousers that cut off the circulation to your legs. Investing in clothes that fit the body you have now can be transformative, allowing you to focus on self-care and other important aspects of your life.
- Mindful Self-Compassion: Research by Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, shows that practicing self-compassion can significantly improve body image. Mindful self-compassion involves treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding as one would offer to a friend. Activities like self-compassion meditation and journaling can help women develop a more compassionate and accepting relationship with their bodies.
- Body Appreciation Exercises: A study published in the journal Body Image highlights the effectiveness of body appreciation exercises. These activities encourage women to focus on what their bodies can do rather than how they look. Examples include writing gratitude letters to their bodies, listing body strengths, and engaging in physical activities that they enjoy and that make them feel strong and capable.
- Engaging in Physical Activity: Regular physical activity is linked to better body image, not just because of its physical benefits but also due to the psychological boost it provides. Activities like yoga, dancing, or even walking can enhance mood, reduce stress, and promote a sense of body appreciation and capability. But please – exercise because it feels enjoyable, not as a punishment for what you’ve eaten. Moving our bodies is a privilege. Experiment with new and fun activities that challenge you and boost your confidence in what your body can do.
- Get Choosy with your Social Media: If you spend hours every day scrolling through images of bodies that look nothing like yours, and follow accounts that tell you you ‘HAVE TO’ or ‘SHOULD WANT TO’ look a certain way, of course you will start to believe you are not worthy as you are. If you guzzle down content promoting extremely restrictive diets and punishing exercise regimes, it’s natural you start to think that is ‘wellness’. If you watch video after video of ‘hacks’ to look 10 years younger….you’re going to start feeling REALLY old….and like that is a bad thing. So don’t. Have a social media cull, and instead get following those kick-ass midlife women promoting body positivity, more realistic body norms, nourishing not punishing wellness practices and radical self love. Then see your mindset shift almost immediately. For more on the potential negative impact of social media on our emotional health head to my blog ‘Social media: When positive vibes become toxic positivity’.
Building Positive Body Image in a Bigger Body
What if you feel bigger than you’d like to be and want to lose weight? Surely – you are justified in disliking your body until it’s the size you want. Although this might seem counter intuitive, it is actually much easier to reach and maintain weight goals if you improve your body image first. This is because when you improve your body image, you are less likely to punish your body with unrealistic and impossible to maintain restrictive diets and exercise regimes. Instead, you can embrace change from a place of love and wanting to nourish our body.
When we have a negative body image and gain weight, we probably tell ourselves something like “I’m so fat, lazy and useless and I don’t deserve attention and happiness.” When we have a positive body image and we gain weight, we are more likely to think something like, “Oops! I’ve gained some weight. I better work on making healthier food choices and getting out more.”
It may be more difficult to cultivate self-love and acceptance if you feel bigger and older than you’d like to be in a society that reveres ‘thin’ and ‘young’. But you can do it if you commit to improving your relationship with your body and allowing yourself to feel worthy just as you are. This may take time and effort – but the rewards are BIG. Because no woman went to her grave wishing she’d spend more time and energy disliking herself.
NOW is the time to commit to showing yourself some love. Be your best friend and biggest supporter. It’s never too late to cultivate a positive body image and to celebrate your unique beauty and strength. And if you need a little help….you know where I am and I love nothing more than sitting across from a midlife woman and session after session watching them start to see the amazing, beautiful, talented and fierce human being I see. It’s magic!
If you like what you’ve read and want more practical information and tips on nutrition, lifestyle and mindset for midlife women then please follow me at motherflushingmidlife at the social links below.
And I’d love to work with you if you need some support with your physical and emotional health at midlife or you’re struggling with emotional or binge eating. Simply pop to the coaching tab at the top of my website and see which service might suit you best – or book in for a free 30 minute clarity coaching call and we can chat about it over a nice cup of something hot. And of course if anyone you know might benefit from my content, let them know where to find me xx
